Normally a conflict arises due to your different backgrounds, personalities & experiences. When two people are into a relationship, they initially experience conflicts which reduces with time. Admitting, facing & resolving conflict is a very vital key to a successful relationship.
Some people believe that any form of tension in a relationship causes problems, so they go about hiding their feelings & emotions. Myself as an example: I, JOY; HATE THIS! I DON'T HIDE MY EMOTIONS. Some people welcome all kinds of attitude & pretends that everything is fine. And as time goes on all little unexpressed negative emotions leads to huge rooted problems that may end up destroying the relationship.
There are some Christians who think: expressing their true emotions is: SIN This kind of thought is WRONG! They don't express anger of any kind, no matter how their partner upsets or offend them, they keeps silence & fume inside & put-up the image of a perfect Christian. Hey! Na waoo! But how can this be my dear reader? This is a very critical emotion. SPEAK-OUT & RELEASE YOUR BURDEN!
Listen; expressing your emotions shows you're a human.
Psychologists says: Any unexpressed emotions may result to Psychosomatic Illnesses.
Successful couples notice that when they express their emotions, it enables the relationship grow to a deeper, spiritual & emotional level. Real & lasting relationship can only develop in an atmosphere that is strife free. When you solve your conflict quickly, you create room for love & intimacy to grow to a greater height.
6. PRAYER - (Put God First): Prayer is the basic thing that helps to build your relationship with positive lines. We all have challenges in every aspect of our lives & need divine intervention to make us triumph in these situations. Putting God first in prayer ensures that God will always be present & the director in your relationship. There maybe spiritual forces that could be opposing your successful relationship, but as you pray; Holy Spirit will reveal all to you & you must overcome as you further to pray. Remember there are devil(s) or enemies out there who want to destroy anything that may bring you happiness, especially when you have found the right partner. You must stand against demons & his agents in prayers if you want to succeed. Don't; leave anything to chance you MUST pray & guarantee success if you truly need the relationship.
Secondly, putting God first & making Him the centre of your life will place your relationship on the path of success. In a God centered relationship, decisions are taken based on the principles of God's word. No individual partner gets up & decides a permanent decision without God's consent and His oracle. God's word addresses every major issue we confront in life.
When you put God first, you live by His biblical prescribed standards for you. You don't compare your relationship to others or permit external unscriptural forces to influence & control the relationship. Your relationship would be regulated by scriptural values and principles.
7. SELF DEVELOPMENT: One of the basic keys to real intimacy is openness. Its only mature partners can afford to be sincere to each other. In a relationship where there is no self-priority development, the partners involved will remain mentally, spiritually and emotionally adamant. This can hinder the growth of the relationship. There won't be real intimacy due to lack of mature and secure behaviors. The more you expand your consciousness by reading and connecting with brighter minds, it become easier for you to be open & intimate with your partner.
8. NOT COMPETITIVE: A successful relationship is built on principles of mutual respect & recognize the value of each other and when you both feel secure in yourselves, you won't need to do anything for her/him to accept you. You should understand that both men and women have their weakness one way or the other, so, should use your strength to compensate for her/his weak-points in order to build a strong relationship.
Your ideal partner will always make you feel secured, energized, capable & loved whenever you're together & even at your absent. As you compliment & strengthen each other, you both will begin to show-forth the best in you & move the relationship to a greater & higher level.
9. COMPATIBILITY: Compatibility is one of the major keys that makes every relationship work & become a healthy relationship. You should be spiritually, physically, emotionally & intellectually compatible with your partner. Have same vision or dream. You can't lie about compatibility and if you pretend & lie to be what you're not, means you're in unhealthy relationship that won't work in due course. Don't pretend to be a Masculine while you're a Jerk. You can't force, fake or create compatibility, it either exist or doesn't.
10. OPENNESS, (Diplomatic): Yes, when I say diplomatic, I mean you should be diplomatic in your relationship, in order to get the best out of it. You don't have to pretend, be diplomatic & openness at the appropriate time & achieve the true attitude in him/her. Have to be opened by expressing your real feelings in any relationship you find yourself & for a successful relationship.
To achieve a successful relationship, learn to express feelings without fear or intimidation of any kind. You are free to be yourself. Fear of rejection may keep you silent instead of expressing yourself. Where emotions are bottled-up, the relationship will be of pretense.
Pretense makes a relationship shallow & superficial. It as well creates fears, doubts, & uncertainties in the mind of your partner & it eventually destroys the relationship. Successful relationships are built on truth & integrity. Both partners are not ashamed to reveal who they really are. They even go as far as talking about the mistakes they made in the past so there won't be any surprises awaiting them in future.
E.G - Your partner may make promises he/she never keeps and may always have several alibis to give, but because you don't want any strain to your relationship, then you decide to swallow-up your resentment & keep calm about his attitude. WRONG! Because when this begins to grow in your mind it will be poisoning some arrears of your relationship that you found good when you met your partner initially. So, to avoid such problems, learn to express your feelings in a better way without hurting his/her feelings. Openness also has to do with being yourself, don't cover-up. If you pretend to be whom you are not in order to have a successful relationship, you're digging a deep pit for yourselves & at the end your relationship will be unsuccessful. Openness also has to do with being yourself, so..... don't. cover up! SPEAK-OUT TO REALEASE YOURSELF FROM A BURDEN!
11. COMMITMENT: Most relationships fail due to non-commitment of the two parties. They enter into relationships with the mind-set that: If it works, good, but if it doesn't, they will look for another partner. With such negative thoughts ruling your mind, the said relationship won't work. To ensure your relationship work; your commitment must be stable. This means you have made-up your mind in the relationship.
Some people enter into a relationship without testing their partner based on God's word. Dating is supposed to enable you assess the vision, character, personality & other vital traits of potential partner before you move further in your higher level of relationship. Commitment is an energy level required to keep unique relationship growing.
NOTE: If you don't feel excitement about your relationship, don't always think about your partner, or sacrifices for the relationship, means your commitment is low.
12. FORGIVENESS: Successful relationships operates by the law of forgiveness. Should understand that people are not perfect. No mater how mature you both are, there are still several arrears of your life you both are working on. There will be several occasions where one person says the wrong word or does the wrong thing that causes an offence. Partners accommodate wrongs/mistakes or offends of the other and allows forgiveness to overwhelm. You have to learn to forgive your partner after correcting him/her in his/her mistakes, if you want your relationship to work-out. There are people who are imprisoned by the past simply because they refuse to forgive & release it. They stick to their hurts, pains & mistakes of yesterday and continue living their lives in the past. At the least opportunity they bring up issues from the past & use it to poison the present. My dear, always let the past go & focus on the future.
Unforgiveness holds you bound emotionally & keeps you emotionally stunted. If you find it difficult to forgive others, it's maybe because you don't forgive yourself for your mistakes. Those who forgive themselves find it easy to forgive others. You should grow-up - (Mature) & learn to be tolerant and forgiving of your partner if you want your relationship to be successful.
13. PROTECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP: There are people around you, or your other friends who may negatively influence your ideal relationship if you allow them & don't guide the dignity of your relationship, they may render fear, confusion, double-mind & sow seed of doubt into your mind. And all these could result strife, disharmony & distrust in your relationship now & future. You can never tell who may be secretly envious of your relationship maybe eager to have your partner for themselves. That's the reason why in your relationship; you must keep issues discussed with your partner confidential until your relationship becomes more defined. Even after that, don't be fast to tell your friends what's going on or the kind of relationship you're into. Share with only people who can give you quality advice and Biblical counseling. If you're experiencing any challenge table it to God in prayers or go to your spiritual mentor for further counseling. Never expose your problem to those who can never assist you in anyway. Protect the integrity of your relationship & watch it succeed. Amen!
14. MENTOR(S):
Who are Mentors?
Mentors are people or a person who have done what you are trying to do. In order to have a successful ideal relationship, you need constant counsel of your mentor(s) who can assist you develop your relationship. Your mentor(s) doesn't have to be your friend; it could be your pastor, professional counselors, relationship experts or successful couples who may have solution to their challenges. Remember; anything done secret does not end well. Secrecy breads fear & uncertainty, but fear of exposure tortures your mind daily. Secrecy is a breeding ground for sin. But Mentors eliminate this possibility in your relationship. Therefore, you need a compitent mentor in your ideal relationship.
15. NOT BUILT AROUND MONEY: Yes, the love of money is the root of all evil - (Biblical), as we all know. But in your ideal relationship money leverages your ability, skills & expertise. With money in your hands, you're able to fully expand, publish, express & utilize your God-given gifts. Money gives you access to places, people & sometimes projects that guarantee your future. Also, gives you access to purchasing of special gifts & other goodies for your partner. Without money, some doors maybe closed against you & your dream may just keep on struggling to find expression.
Please don't misunderstand me here!
Money itself does not determine the success or failure of a relationship. If all other factors are not in place, but you have a substantial amount of money to meet your needs & pursue your dream, your relationship may still fail. It's very bad that some people determine a potential partner by the amount of money he/she possesses. WRONG!
There are people who are financially successful, but spiritually & emotionally bankrupt.
Years ago, I personally was in a relationship with a prominent wealthy man, who is a Dr. & Professor. But thank God I later realized that truly this man was wealthy, but spiritually & emotionally bankrupt. Glory to be God that after a short time of hooking-up with him, God exposed him & i was delivered out of his life.
So, dear reader, if you think only a rich man/woman without considering other intensive qualities can make your life happy, sorry dear! You're simply in for a shock......... Money cannot talk to you, give you comfort, be there to listen to your problems/challenges or meet your emotional, intellectual & physical needs. We all should need someone who is committed to you with all his/her heart in all situations.
NOTE: To ensure a successful relationship, focus on the spiritual, emotional, intellectual virtues of the person you're interested in.
16. PLAN FOR THE FUTURE: Successful relationships plans for the future together. A relationship is more than just being friends, going out & having good times. There must be a divine reason why you're attracted to that person. Moreso, there is a purpose for your mutual love for each other. Both of you have individual dreams or vision, which brings mutual trust & respect to the relationship. Like a ship in a voyage; your relationship must have a targeted destination. People who fail to plan have inevitably planned to fail. Corporate your personal goals & dreams into your larger plan together. Success doesn't just happen, you make it happen. A written plan brings order into your relationship and order creates deep feeling & peace in your relationship.
Set a time limit for yourself, could be a week, month & or a year(s) time in your plans. Time limit creates a sense of urgency & help you avoid procrastination.
General skills of Success:
Success is harnessing your heart to a task you love to do.
Growing in love with your relationship, work, God-given gifts
etc. Again, focusing the full power of all you are on what you
have a burning desire to achieve.
Being successful is doing things you're supposed to do.
Not acting in a way(s) you know you're not supposed to act
Success includes all surfaces of your relationships. It does
not arrive at the summit of a mountain as a final destination.
Rather, it continues upward spiral of progress.
Success is discovering your best talent(s), skills & abilities
& applying them at the appropriate place where they will be
more effective contribution to your fellow men & women
Success not confined to any one part of your personality but is
related to the development of all the parts. Mostly making the
most of your total self
Success is ninety-nine percent mental attitude. It involves :
love, joy, tolerance, honesty, optimism, confidence, serenity,
faith, courage, cheerfulness, imagination, initiative,
humility, enthusiasm & patience.
Success is having courage to meet failure without being
defeated. It is refusing to let present loss interfere with your long desired goal.
Success is accepting the challenge of every difficulty & become an over-comer at last.
Phillips Brook; in his inspirational words said: Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle. VERY TRUE!
Dear reader, I hope this article will make sense to you & add to your knowledge, mostly when you study and meditate on it at your privacy.
God prosper your endeavours. Wish you the best of luck!
Evang. Joy Levi
jemfanc@yahoo.com
