If relationships and dating have been a big part of your life, then you’ve dealt with the good and the bad.
No matter how much two people love each other, sometimes things go wrong in the union that can leave one person or the other emotionally hurt for a long time. Dishonesty, physical abuse, verbal abuse, infidelity, and even negative financial exploitation can cause a relationship to fail miserably.
Also, when a relationship starts to fail, the ability to reconcile goes out the door. When you’ve given it your absolute all in the midst of turmoil, letting go is often the best thing to do. Messy divorces or break-ups of any kind can have lasting effects on one person or even both people who were in the broken union.
You can lose a lot of things after a failed relationship or marriage. You can lose custody of your children, your home, and all of your assets if marriage is in the equation. You can also lose your self-worth, your emotional stability, and even your faith.
The ability to love and trust someone else again can also be lost after a failed relationship. This is probably one of the worst things you can lose after a break-up because it can be one of the hardest things to replace. Trusting someone else again is not easy to do when your heart has been taken through the wringer.
In my own personal life, I’ve been through a rough break-up with someone who I felt like I gave my all too. I was in that failed relationship for almost five years. I was still very young when it all ended. I was told by many people who supported me that I had my whole life ahead of me.
But deep down inside, I still felt like there was no tomorrow. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with that young man. We seemed to have it all as a couple. For at least two years, I remained single and totally put a wall up to keep any other person from having access to my heart.
However, as a woman of faith, I got through those two years after my failed relationship by keeping a relationship with the greatest being of all: My Lord and Savior. Staying spiritually grounded definitely got me through the rough times.
Today, I am glad to say I have found true love. I have a wonderful marriage to a man of God who is involved in the ministry as a youth pastor. I took many steps to bring myself to the point of being able to love and trust someone again by not losing my trust in God. Below are eight steps you can take toward establishing real love again after a break-up.
1. Be patient.
Isaiah 40:86 says: “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” I learned this by praying to the Lord without patience after breaking up. When you do that, the Lord will definitely give you another trial to test your patience.
2. Avoid idle time.
I Timothy 5:13 says: “Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.” The Word is right on point here! This is exactly what happens when people dwell on negativity with too much time on their hands, especially us women sometimes. Pass time away after a break-up by staying engaged in healthy productivity.
3. Resist the lust for other men/women.
Galatians 5:17 says: “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” The Spirit is a great life tool we all have access to. It’s important to stay away from people or activities that cancel out our ability to reap the real rewards God has to offer us.
4. Remain thankful.
I Corinthians 15:57 says: “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” We never go through ANY struggle, no matter how hard it is without something to still be thankful for. Never let pain make you forget what is still going great in your life. There is always something.
5. Focus on the present.
Matthew 6:34 says: “So we must give our entire attention to what God is doing right now.” Often we as people will stunt our own growth by either living in the past or trying too hard to plan for the future. The truth is, you can’t plan for everything. One hundred percent of the time, God is trying to show us something in the moment that we are missing.
6. Stay away from other destructive women/men.
I Timothy 3:2 says: “For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful and unholy.” When you are sad and blue, it is easy to enjoy the company of people in the same boat who help you get comfortable with your misery. That is very dangerous. The Word teaches us that there are ALWAYS brighter days ahead when your faith remains strong.
7. Don’t hurt others because you’ve been hurt.
Romans 11:22 says: “Note then the kindness and the severity of God: severity toward those who have fallen, but God’s kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness. Otherwise you too will be cut off.” This one may need to be read over again. So many times in life, we get tempted to do other people the way we’ve been done. This is so harmful because karma is real. Bad karma is not what you want.
8. Embrace forgiveness.
Matthew 6:14 says: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Forgetting the bad things that a former lover did to you is often hard to do. However, we MUST forgive. Sooner or later, dwelling on ill will catches up to us. We have to be forgiven in order to get into The Kingdom. Therefore, we have to forgive those who commit wrong against us just like Our Savior did. Without taking the path of forgiveness you will never be able to trust again and accept new love in your life.
The spiritual path is easy to stray away from. In fact, most people chose to abandon it all together when they are faced with a hardship in life. On the flip side, it’s also easy to get yourself trapped in the mess that comes from straying from the spiritual path. Accepting true love and the ability to start trusting again after a hurtful break-up isn’t easy. However, The Word always gives us a proven road map towards our true destiny. God bless and remember to always keep the faith!